her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
