dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
this is an emotional support booty call
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
