I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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