Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
