I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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