I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
