My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Randomize
