I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Randomize
