I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
