Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
