i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
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