Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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