just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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