I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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