I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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