how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
