My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
