you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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