My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
