I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
You are a genius and a whore.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
