Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
