According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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