Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
