Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
