I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize