we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
