you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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