I want to make a zoo with you.
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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