I just saw a hot homeless man
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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