Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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