Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
