people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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