How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
So much rum. So many feels.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Randomize
