They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
