I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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