Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
