you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Randomize
