can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
