her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
