She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize