I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
