dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
you inspire me to be a worse person
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Randomize
