I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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