When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
