im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Randomize
