No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
