What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
All I want is dick and wine.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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