Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
