i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
