Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
