In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
