Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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