Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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