how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
