party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
