I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
