i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I just gift wrapped bread.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
