If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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