How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Randomize
