i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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