Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
