Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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