all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
