He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
