The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
