He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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