we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
