My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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