I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
not ubering you a puppy
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
