I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Randomize
