Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
