So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize
