you guys were way drunker than both of me
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
We left the knife in your bed.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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