only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
