hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
