peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
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