I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
