You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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