So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
