Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
