Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
he thought i was a dude.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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