Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Randomize
