I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
