Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
