Soap is not a condiment
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Randomize
