I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Randomize
