I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
