im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
