Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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