Well douche your snatch and let's go!
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
