Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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